she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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