So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
