Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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