We named our party play list daddy issues
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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