Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
