wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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