i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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