Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
