I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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