Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
