Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
