fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
