Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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