I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
