____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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