hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
