Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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