Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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