Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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