I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
