that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
