I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
