Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
