I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize