quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
