Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
