just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
