Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
