Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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