He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
