apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
NoShamevember. You game?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
