Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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