My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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