You're my little dorito
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
