Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
