i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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