Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
