this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
