I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish I only lived at night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
