____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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