We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are my feet made of real feet?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
