Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
