dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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