mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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