Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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