Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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