fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
