Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
