dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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