I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
