I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
