Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
