Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
