bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
