Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
