If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
