Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
