Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
