Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
