i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
