i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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