no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
