afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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