just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
