2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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