Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
