a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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