So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
