look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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