He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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