This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
