i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
