All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
