The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
