she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
