I want to stick my p in your. b.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
