I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you would pick up someone in the library
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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