She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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