He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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