I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
