im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
