Just fell off a train. Bad.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
