3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
