You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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