I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize