please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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