WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
