I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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