it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
