Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
