i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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