I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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