I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
