I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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