Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
