Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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