it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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