I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
