there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
