no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
