She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
