Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
