Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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