Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
