i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
