also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
