one two three fourrrrnication!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
