Jerry, you need to find god
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
