I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
thus making me awesome and them whores
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
