Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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