the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
