There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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