Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize