she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
