you have to choose: penises or morals?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
