I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize