well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
