Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
